“Tales From the Pole Part 1” by Louis Bishop

“Tales From the Pole Part 1”
by Louis Bishop
Its not comedy all the time! That is the sad truth in the world of your White Trash Hero, the one the only Mr. Louis Bishop. My little Jokey Jokes are not paying the bills , like most Stand Up Comics that are not touring yet. So as a Comedian you have to work a job that allows a decent of time off. So on your off nights you can drive 10 hours to do a 20 minute set for 20 bucks. Any job you have as a comic you will hate because there is something in your brain that makes you see how dumb your job is and how dumb everyone else that works there is. Also you will see how much of a dummy the higher ups are because they believe the bullshit that they feed the other sheep who work with you. The only job that will make you happy is getting paid to use your powers of wit and satire to make the world laugh at itself. You could be making a million dollars a year but if it is not your passion you will be in pain everyday you clock in.
So; with all that said, I work at a Gentlemen’s Club in Jacksonville NC to pay my bills. The money is really GREAT; at times, and others not so good, but altogether it allows me to pursue Comedy a good amount and that makes me happy. People always say “Boy that must help your Comedy Act because of all the crazy stuff that happens huh?”. Well it is hard for me to translate for the most part in a “Comedy Act”
as you would say. The Characters that work here are too complex to explain in stand up act. So instead I have been writing the odd and crazy things down in a notebook for my grand plan to use this knowledge in a vehicle that would get across these complex beings across, a TV Show. I know most people nowadays think there job would make a great show “gosh, I tell you the stuff that happens here should be on TV!” but not all Offices are The Office maybe my job isn’t either but this is a story of what happened today in my first hour of being at work. Yes, you get to look inside the SEXY world of Exotic Dancing!!
Dancer – “Hey bishop. I got this pierced.”
Bishop – “Oh yeah what?”
D- (points to eyebrow) “This. Yeah (points to upper lip) I’m getting this done next week.”
B- “Oh yeah, that’s cool.” while never looking up from phone.
D- “Yup.” standing in DJ booth just staring.
B- “So where did you get it done at?”
D- “Across from the mall.”
B- “OK.”
D- “Yeah, after that I had to go to Walgreen’s and gets me something for hemorrhoids you ever had those before?”
B- “JESUS DON’T TELL ME THAT!”
D- “Why?”
B- “Because it is gross that’s why.”
D- “How you get those anyways?”
B- “I don’t know. Hmm from sitting down too much and pushing too hard when you poop. I think?”
D- “Oh yeah.”
B- “Yeah. God why did you tell me that now I can’t get that out of my mind. Is it bleeding?”
D- “No, not anymore. Look it up online what cause hemorrhoids. What you mean pushing too hard?”
B- “What do you mean, what do I mean? Just pushing too hard to get it out I heard. If you….”
D- “You know how you get that feeling that you have to poop. Well I don’t get that ever I have to force myself to use the bathroom. Like every two days I will think to myself “ oh you ain’t pooped in two days” then I force it out.”
B- “Every two days, Jesus! Sounds like to me you don’t have enough fiber in your diet.”
D- “How often you go?”
B- “Once a day or more sometimes if I eat something to upset my stomach.”
D- “What dat?”
B- “Whats, what? Fiber?”
D- “Yeah fiber whats that?”
B- “I don’t know its in food and stuff makes your poop soft and makes you go normal amount of times.”
D- “How I get it?”
B- “What do you mean? You eat fruits and veggies and grains. Anything besides fast food.”
D- You go once a day, damn, Bishop you got a good system huh?”
B- “God no I don’t, but I crap everyday. Did you go to the doctor?”
D- “No, I told you I went to Walgreen’s and asked what I could use. It hurts.”
B- “I would guess so.”
D- “Oh, did I tell you I was thinking of getting my clit pierced also.”
B- “OK. But maybe you should drink more water to help you poop more you know.”
D- “WATER! Bishop you crazy! But yeah getting my clit pierced I think.”
B- “Why?”
D- “I think it looks cute, that’s why. Oh guys just came in I gonna go get dressed.”
That’s right some Dancer is grinding her bloody small intestines into some lucky Marines lap tonight. Sweet Dreams America!!!
Louis Bishop

 

Louis Bishop is a comedian out of Wilmington, NC raised is a trailer park in Jacksonville, NC he was fed a steady diet of professional wrestling, corn dogs and dysfunction.  You can hear him on the Creedence & Bishop Show and see him around Eastern North Carolina.

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